INTRODUCING: Blurb For Book 2!



Have you read HEMLOCK VEILS and are aching to know what direction the next book will take? Well, if you haven't read and finished HEMLOCK VEILS, this post might ruin the end for you, so I'd stop reading this, and go start reading my book, available on Amazon! Next, spread the word about how much you loved it, to all you know, rate it and review it, and then come back here and read this blurb!

Got it?

Okay, for those who have read it, I need a little help. VEIL OF THE ROSE, Book 2, will be released this coming April! (Don't you love when you don't have to wait long?) That baby is already with my editor and everything. Yet I realized, when my publicist emailed me this week, I've never written a pitch, teaser, blurb, or ANYTHING for this story.

So yesterday, while a newborn migraine was screaming its way into the world, I sat down and jotted some stuff down for the blurb. I know all you writers know just how awful the process of writing blurbs and pitches is. At least I didn't have to write a full synopsis, right? Oh, wait. I actually do need to do that, for my half-written book 3, since the book proposal is due at the end of the month. *saves stressing over that for later*

ANYWAY, I decided to post my VEIL OF THE ROSE blurb here before I send the finished one to my publicist, and I would love all the feedback on it I can get. No, I don't have to pitch it in a query letter. And yes, my publisher will tweak it to their liking anyway if it's not up to par. But I still want to get it the best I can.

I went from hating it to liking it, and then to not even knowing what I was reading, which might be a side effect of the now-adult migraine. Regardless, I think it's at the point where my own eyes have edited all they can. Now I need the eyes of others. So tell me what it lacks, what you don't like, if there is anything that doesn't make sense, any grammar mistakes, or even if it just doesn't grab you enough. Heaven knows there is a lot more to the plot I can try to infuse in there (I left it general for the sake of length). If you love it, tell me that, too! (And can you guess which fairy tale I loosely based it on this time?)

Okay, here it is. *deep breath while trying to keep my stomach down because it scares me to death when people read my first-draft stuff*

Henry Clayton and Elizabeth Ashton witnessed a miracle the night she broke his curse. But what they viewed as the happiest of endings, they soon realize was an event that has set a lifetime of magical adversity in motion. When a man from Elizabeth’s past pays them a visit, turning her reality upside-down, she learns just how much a part of the Magical Realm she has always been, and that this man she once thought of as mortal is quite the opposite. He blessed her as an infant once, but now he comes with a dire warning—a warning both he and Henry beg her to heed. Elizabeth, however, isn’t easily persuaded.

It’s not long before an ancient and powerful Warden decides to take matters into his own hands. Threatened by Elizabeth’s strong will and what she can create, he places a curse of forgetting upon her.

Now it’s up to Henry to wake her from this oblivion. The problem is that beyond forgetting him and Hemlock Veils, she is utterly repulsed by them. On her path to remembrance, she will discover there is great reason for her aversion to the things she once adored most; this time, following the true desires of her heart may mean the obliteration of not just the Magical Realm, but the destruction of Hemlock Veils and all the people she loves—including her only love. Henry might be able to wake his Beauty, but doing so may drive her from his life for good.


Kele Lampe said…
Okay, here's my take.

Second sentence:
"But they soon realize what they viewed as the happiest of endings has dealt them a lifetime of magical adversity."

Period after "...Magical realm she has always been." New sentence: "The man she once thought mortal is quite the opposite. Although he blessed Elizabeth when she was an infant, now he comes with a dire warning..."

Second paragraph: I think you need to either define "Warden" or say it another way. People aren't going to know what it means.

Third paragraph: lose "this" and just say "wake her from oblivion."

"The problem is that Elizabeth hasn't just forgotten him and Hemlock Veils. They utterly repulse her."

Strike "most" after adored; it's redundant. I'd also make the clause starting "This time..." a sentence of its own. it seems kind of long and awkward.

That's all! <3
Blucifer said…
First of all, !!!! !!!

Okay, now that we’ve established that, let’s break this shit down.

1st paragraph:
- It’s a great beginning sentence—catches us up on the first book really quickly.
- The next sentence needs a little work, I think. Maybe something like: “But they soon realize that their happiest of endings might have set in motion a lifetime of magical adversity.”
- I think the next bit can be punchier, maybe like: “A ghost from Elizabeth’s past returns, turning her reality upside-down when she learns how big a part she plays in the Magical Realm, and how much danger she and Henry now face.”…Except better, because you’re better at this than me. The next line can be a re-work of the dire warning.
- Last line is also great because it reminds us of Elizabeth’s personality.
2nd paragraph:
- This thing with the Warden felt out of place, maybe because we don’t know what a Warden is yet. Why is he/she/Pat taking matters into their own hands? The last bit is really good because it tells us how he’s threatened by Elizabeth’s actions (and also hints at the underlying fairy tale).
3rd paragraph:
- Good first sentence that brings Henry back into it.
- I like that the “sleeping” is actually a form of amnesia. GUH, so good.
- I keep re-reading the next two sentences and I think they need some re-wording in parts. How about this? “The problem isn’t just that Elizabeth has forgotten him and Hemlock Veils, she is utterly repulsed by them. On her path to remembrance, she will discover a terrible reason for her aversion to the things she once adored most.” Or something. I don’t know.
- If you change anything after “…following the true desires of her heart” until the end, I may kick some grass. I love it.

That’s it! Now I feel a sudden urge to go read…something.
Sarah Zama said…
Hi :-)

We met during #SFFpit last week and I wondered what you're up to. So, I see you'r eafter more pitch ;-)

I'm far from an expert, but I'll try to give you my impression.
And my first one is the last para is the more interesting. I didn't read the first book, but even so, I think I don't really need the recap. What I want to know is what happens in this story and I think Elizabeth's oblivion and what this causes, and especially the hints to the Sleeping Beauty are so exciting they erase everything else from my attention. Rather than knowing what has happen before, I’d like to know more about Elizabeth ‘true desires’.

Well, just my two cents ;-)
dmaismith said…
Whatever you end up with...I think it sounds awesome! Can't wait to read it.

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